This story is sad for a number of reasons, many of which are obvious, so I won’t go into them here. What is most helpful for victims of bullying, parents of children being bullied or adults who are being pushed around by the different bullies in their lives – money, booze, co-workers, the economy, politicians, etc… – is that Jamey revealed a secret is his video about one of the keys to taking back your power from the bullies in your life.

Lady Gaga helped Jamey realize part of this key through encouraging him that he was born the way he was and that all he needed was to love and believe in himself first. Lady Gaga was absolutely correct in this and as you see in the video, it helped Jamey for awhile.

Sadly, it wasn’t enough and Jamey decided to end his life.

It’s not his fault; it’s not his parents’ fault.  Sure, you could blame the bullies, the school system or friends that didn’t do anything, but that is too easy and doesn’t fix anything.

Jamey’s parents went to the school system.  Jamey even went to counseling.  Jamey had a world famous, mega-rich superstar tell him that if he loved and believed in himself, he would be okay.

What is missing?  Why didn’t this work?

For the same reasons it didn’t work for countless others who have followed these exact steps for generations (me included, way back in 1982 – with the exception of a famous person telling me to believe in myself) – if you don’t somehow, someway develop a bully proof self image – and then constantly, through daily practice – reinforce this belief through behaviors and disciplines that strengthen the self image – your ability to be strong won’t last.

America’s story from birth to beacon of freedom is an example of daily reinforcement.  America was founded on timeless, foundational, fundamental principles like hard work, individualism (belief in the power and rights of the individual), freedom and more.  From the time of our country’s birth, generation after generation has lived and practiced those princples daily, to the point that America stands for those values and is the picture of those values throughout the world. (We have been getting away from these values from top to bottom – and it is causing problems globally and at home – but that is a separate discussion.)

In the martial arts, there are fundamental principles that, if practiced daily, lead to mastery. But in order to get to the mastery part, you have to do something that most people think is a four-letter word: work.  That, and face you fears.

When you first put on your uniform and step out onto the mat to train, you have butterflies in your belly and you are scared out of your wits, questioning if you have temporarily lost your mind and more.

The first time you block with your head (get hit with a punch or a kick), it is traumatic and you think of quitting.  The first time someone makes you submit (give up by choking you or joint locking you) you feel everything from mild embarrassment to downright humiliation.

You can have the support of your classmates, your Sensei (instructor) and your parents if you are a child, but if you can’t make YOU shake it off, face your fear, gut it out and get in there to do it again, you won’t make it.  You’ll quit.

All the messages from superstars, books, tapes, DVD’s, mentors, coaches, school systems, politicians, therapists or anything else will not work, unless YOU do. (Yes, this includes my information and coaching, too.)

Don’t get me wrong; I have relied heavily on, and invested literally hundreds of thousands of dollars in all of the previously mentioned tools in my own journey, all of which contributed and still contributes daily to me being who I am and helps me help others.

But – and this is a HUGE but – NONE of it worked until I decided to make it work and use it. And, it is the kind of the decision that simply must be made prior to any major changes happening in your life or anyone else who wants to take their power back.

It is the kind of decision where you set your jaw, look yourself in the eye and say – quite frankly – “F#$k this; I’ve had enough.”

I have been in front of that mirror.  I have helped thousands of others stand in front of that mirror and do the same thing.  And every single time – without fail – anyone who has gotten to that level of emotional commitment has had the strength to do the daily practices of using the right tools to take back their power.  Of course, you will need the right tools by that point and when I say “right tools”, I don’t mean most popular, most politically correct, most academically acceptable; I mean tools that deliver results that you want.  Nothing else matters.

I wish I could have helped Jamey.  No one can help him now, but I can help others and  - if you are reading this – there is help for you.

If you haven’t gotten the book yet, shameless plug or not, it goes without saying that you might want to go get it. It is literally the only work I have seen that tells the truth about bullying and how to take back your power, without all the touchy-feely, politically correct, hasn’t worked in a million years B.S. that is being taught about bullying today.

Once you get it – read it and then use it.  Daily.

Just like going to gym, you can’t go once and then  be in shape for thirty days; you have to work at it every single day.

God Bless Jamey and his family – and best to you.

Sensei

What made the article interesting were the numbers that were reported; some school districts reported zero instances of bullying while Palm Beach County – where I grew up and graduated high school – reported four thousand instances.  Granted, four thousand sounds like that is out of control, but Palm Beach County School District is one of the largest districts in the state.

The article goes on to talk about how some districts can report zero instances of bullying, while others report four thousand; how school districts may be manipulating the numbers to look like they are really “cracking down” on bullying, while others may be ignoring the problem to make their numbers look better.

What I found interesting  – and instructive – was the responses of the parent of the child whom the law is named for, plus the comments that were reported by parents who contacted schools in the instances their child was bullied.

Every single one of them had an expectation that the school systems were “responsible” to stop the bullying and in one instance, a parent wrote that he was going to hold the school system responsible, liable and negligent if something wasn’t done – meaning take legal action.

Sadly, this attitude is what is wrong when it comes to bullying, our parents, our school system, our government and unfortunately, our country.

Let’s start with our school systems and government.  Out here in the Socialist Republic of California, Governor Moonbeam, er – Jerry Brown – just signed legislation that public school systems are mandated to teach gay history as part of the curriculum.  I will not go into the subject or debate of gay history or if it should or should not be taught in the school system – that is a discussion for another time.

I will make this point; our current public school systems in most of the country – never mind California – are not doing too hot of a job getting our kids to do reading, writing and arithmetic; now we are going to add on top of that Gay History or Bullying? How about before we start trying to stop bullying or push social agendas, we get the basics down first?

As everyone can see from our current debt and economic crisis, governments do a piss-poor job of just about anything they touch that they weren’t designed to do.  Collect taxes, field a national defense, maintain infrastructure and make sure no one tramples on your civil rights or the Constitution is about it for the Federal Government; everything else is left to the states.  State charters vary, but they are similar models.

No where does it mention bullying.  Yes, you could argue that bullying can violate someone’s civil rights, especially if they are a “protected class”; I think that is missing the point, and that point is if you want to stop bullying, if you want your child to be safe, if you want to be free of fear and stand up to the bullies in your life, there is only one answer.

You.  Not the school systems.  Not the government.  Not your lawyer.  You.

Sure, you can use the law or a lawyer if you must, but do you really need one?  What happened to contacting the person face-to-face; standing up to someone and looking them straight in the eye and handling your business?

I recently had an instance of what I call OW – Office Warfare – where there were some “communication challenges” with someone and potential issues.  I did something that I later learned was not that common; I contacted the person directly, explained where I was coming from, that it wasn’t personal, and I wanted to discuss the issue and put it to bed.

In the end we agreed to disagree; more importantly, we each came away with a new-found respect for each other and an understanding moving forward on interacting in the future.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, “What do I do if it isn’t that easy?  What if the person is hateful, physical, abusive, has beat me up or my child up, etc…?”

I heard a quote once that said something along the lines of, “Just because something is difficult, scary or we do not want to do it, has no bearing on the fact that it must be done.”

By standing up to the bullying, you are taking back your power andmawakening the “Sleeping Giant” within you.

Every single time you face a difficulty or challenge and make yourself take action, you get stronger internally.  Your self esteem and self image grows; you develop a mental toughness and a “I-Can-And-I-Will” attitude.

The stronger you get, the more you give off an energy of confidence and “Don’t Mess With Me”. This sort of energy repels bullies and energy suckers and attracts confident, happy people and circumstances.  The answer is – and always will be – taking personal responsibility and more importantly, action.  No one is coming to the rescue.

It is up to you to stop bullying in your life, no matter what form it may take.

To your best,

Sensei

If you believe in this definition, bullies are very easy to spot.  If you remember back to the video of the boy from Australia that I wrote about back in March, it was very evident who the bully was (oddly enough, the smaller boy) and who was the victim.

But, did you know that there are bullies that hide – in plain sight – that kick our butts every single day, and we allow  it?

Bullies are NOT always loud, abusive and easy to spot.  A bully and/or bullying is anything that takes your power away and contributes to you feeling powerless or like a victim.  Anything.

Are you overweight?  Have you promised yourself forever that you are going to “Get back in shape, lose twenty pounds, etc.” yet you are still the same weight and level of health that you have been for years?  Or, are you on the latest diet that has become popular, but for some reason, your weight isn’t changing at all?

I know I have gone through periods where I told myself I was getting healthier, losing weight, eating better – but the reality was I was an LLPOF – Liar, Liar, Pants-On-Fire; I was doing pretty much the exact same things, but was telling myself I was “doing better”.  In this case, food was my bully and I was allowing it to push me around.

What about your relationships?  We all know someone who isn’t happy in a marriage or relationship; guilt is used as a weapon, or anger and intimidation is used to bludgeon the other person into compliance.  The person being manipulated usually sucks it up, saying things like, “This is what marriage is about – compromise”, or, “She doesn’t mean it; she’s just under a lot of stress right now.”

For many, fear of confrontation, emotional injury or being alone is greater than the pain of existing in the relationship.  Many forfeit their happiness for the rest of their lives, simply to minimize the arguments and keep things “as-is.”  You can be bullied for life by a relationship, the other person in the relationship or the fear of confrontation or unknown.

Money is a big one, too.  When you think of your financial situation, what you would like to do about it or how you could change it, do you immediately get scared and tell yourself  you can’t do that because of the economy, your work situation, the kids, what would your parents think, your friends…?

I can’t tell you how many people I have worked with or known – myself included – that had the power to change their financial situation for the better if they had the guts to go against conventional wisdom, believe in themselves and do what they had to do to accomplish their financial goals.

Every single time in my life, when I have found the courage to challenge myself to face my fears when it came to money, I won.  My financial situation always improved for the better and I accomplished my goals.  Was it easy?  Absolutely not.  Painful?  In some instances, yes.  Was it worth it?  Every single time.

When it comes to money, if we allow our fears to control our actions, money and fear are the bullies.  When it comes to anything, if you are allowing your fear to control your actions – or you are lying to yourself about your behavior in relation to the thing – that thing is bullying you.

There is only one way to take back your power from the bullies in your life.  I go into details about how to do this in the book, “Bullies Suck” and many of the courses which are going to be made available very soon.

For now, simply realizing and identifying where there may be bullies in your life hiding in plain sight is a good start.  Once you realize their are bullies in your life, you can start to imagine what your life would look and feel like if you stood up to the bullies in your life and took back your power.

Start imaging and getting the feelings now – it will be a huge step in the right direction and will help carry you through the next steps.

To your best,

Sensei Huff

It was shocking, not only because of the graphic nature of the content, but because of the lessons it taught regarding bullying.

The video – shot at a school in Australia – showed two boys; the smaller of the two boys was the bully (lesson one) and he is clearly seen taunting the bigger, overweight boy (lesson two).

The smaller boy taunts for a few moments – and then hauls off and punches the bigger boy right in the face.  The bigger boy takes the shot, and just stands there – to which the bully hits him again.  (Lesson three).

This goes on for a few moments longer, when the bigger boy explodes. (Lesson four)

He grabs the smaller boy around the waist, heaves him up into the air – and literally spikes him like a football onto the pavement.  The smaller boy was fortunate he didn’t land on his head or he could have been seriously injured, possibly even paralyzed.  (Lesson five)

The lessons taught here are invaluable for you if you are a parent, or maybe if you are the victim of a bully boss, abusive relationship or more.  Let’s look at the lessons…

Lesson one – the bully is NOT always the biggest, meanest you-know-what.  I personally know grown men, over six feet tall, that are pushed around emotionally by their wives.  Their wives use emotions like guilt, frustration and fear of divorce to get their way.  And this is in no way restricted to just wives; this can exist in all sorts of relationships, both professional and personal.

Lesson two – the target of the bullying was a larger, overweight boy.  I have spoken on this subject at length, both in my speaking engagements and the book, “Bully Proof Kids”; kids that “stand out” as “different” are easier targets for bullies – especially if they are overweight.

Lesson three – the one I have been screaming from the rooftops for years, is that turning the other cheek does NOT work.

In some instances – SOME, and they are rare – it does work but, the emotional damage done to the person who is turning the other cheek can last a lifetime.  In every instance that I know of, from personal experience and from working with thousands of adults and children that have been in similar circumstances, the self-image and self-esteem boost that comes from standing up to the bully in their lives far exceeds the potential reprucussions, no matter what.

Lesson four – This is what happens when you “turn the other cheek” for too long; it bottles up and eventually comes out in many forms.

It could be you drinking too much; it could be depression, anxiety, sleeplessness.  I have seen cases so intense were people developed neuromuscular conditions like fibromyalgia.  Kids will stop doing things they love to do, like sports, reading or hanging out with friends.

I’ve seen people quit their jobs, uproot their families and move, just to get away from bullies at the workplace or in the neighborhood.  I’ve heard of parents that snap, transferring their child out of school to a new one or filing a lawsuit against the family of the bully.

All because they kept “turning the other cheek” until they couldn’t stand it anymore – and snapped.

Lesson five – Violence is rarely the answer to anything.  But,  if you find yourself in a situation where you are being physically assaulted – legally defined as, “an intentional act by one person that creates an apprehension in another of an imminent harmful or offensive contact” – you have the right to protect yourself.

Unless you are being physically harmed,  you always want to stand up to the bully or address the situation in a non-violent manner.  In the instance of this boy standing up for himself, he did the right thing by protecting himself – but the severity of his response was way over the top.

These are powerful lessons for you as you educate and prepare yourself to stand up to the bullies in your life.  Armed with this knowledge, you will be prepared to handle the issue of bullying properly should the situation ever arise.

I also have to warn you that I am about to do something I normally DO NOT do – I am going to SHAMLESSLY plug something that I think every parent should consider for their child when it comes to the subject of bullying.

Normally I will recommend or suggest ideas, products, philosophies and more on this site – that is what it is for; but, after seeing this video, my blood boiled to the point where I knew it was time to “stand on my desk” and break out my Marine Corps voice to make sure everyone gets the message.

So here we go:  just like every child needs to learn to read, write, and swim – every child needs to learn the martial arts.

Yes – I am a professional martial arts instructor; yes, I have martial arts products addressing bullying coming out very soon and this is a shameless plug for them; I have no problem with this because it is true.  Shameless plugs aside, there is no way you are going to be able to watch the following video without making the conclusion yourself that the teenager in this video would have been better off knowing how to defend himself than not.

When we are talking about martial arts training, we are not talking about taking martial arts training so your child can be a bully.  We aren’t talking about having your child going around, beating everyone up who looks at him sideways.  We are not talking about teaching your child that violence is the answer to anything…

What we are talking about is teaching our children the tools that allow them to protect themselves when someone is trying to do them physical harm.  We are also talking about all the empowering tools that martial arts training includes as a by-product – like an “I can and I will” attitude; the confidence that goes along with knowing that there isn’t anything your child can’t handle physically.  The strength that comes from not having fear of confrontation.

Imagine how much different your life would be if you had these traits right now and were using them in your daily personal and professional life; how much value and quality would that add to your life right now?

This is why martial arts training needs to be a mandatory tool to defend against bullying.

Check out this video and tell me what you think in the comments below…

To your best,

Sensei

Sometimes you do act like a bully – and everyone around you knows you are acting like one – except you.  How does this happen?

Here’s how it has happened to me in the past – tell me if it sounds familiar…

A couple of weeks ago – starting on Sunday, I think – I started going downhill energetically.  I just didn’t feel right.  I was very tired, my head hurt, my body didn’t feel quite right and everything started to annoy me.

On top of that, things were in an upheaval energetically.  I had heard that there had been a full eclipse, which if you follow the people who study that sort of thing, they will tell you that this is a sign of change and re-ordering in the universe and based on what was happening, there may be some truth to it.

Many friends and co-workers who had been with me in attendance at a groundbreaking business event went down hard with the flu or some other sickness.  A large compensation package I had negotiated – that I thought was finalized – I discover has some people who object and now the entire package is in limbo.

My wife gets into a minor car accident (no injuries on either party thankfully); friends who are normally happily married are fighting like cats and dogs, business deals that were looking good fall through for no reason, people who never miss a scheduled appointment with me start no-showing  and my Miami Dolphins, in desperate need of an upgrade at the offensive coordinator position go out and hire a guy who’s offense was even worse than Miami’s this year.

In short, it seemed like everything was in chaos; nothing felt like it was going right and to top it all off, I got sick for the first time since 2007.  You can guess that I was NOT a  Happy Camper.

I know that there have been times in your life where things were going exactly as I have described for you.  Maybe the details are different, but the overall energy is the same – nothing is going right and you are very upset about it.

This is where you can act like a bully and not even know it.  When your life feels as if it is going this way, how do you respond?  How do you treat your spouse or significant other?  Your kids?

Because I am the Bully Proof Sensei (and I have trained myself to be aware of these sort of energy situations) I know that if I do not watch it, I can turn into a Grade A, Ruby-Red, #1 A-hole when I am in situations like the one described above.  Part of it is my Marine Corps background, part of it is my absolute intolerance for B.S. or stupidity and part of it is when I get into a situation where I am not happy, my #1 priority is focusing on what I can control and steer that towards the outcome that I want.

In instances where I see that none of my options are on the table, I get v-e-r-y cranky.  To prevent myself from acting like a bully,  I employ a very useful technique that I want to share with you for NOT turning into a bully…

I shut up.

I get very quiet.  I say nothing.  I breathe.  If I catch myself getting snippy or irritable, I put myself in time-out.

I will go read a book.  I will go wash the car.  I’ll go walk on the beach.  I’ll go surfing.  I’ll go play guitar.  I’ll start cleaning my house or start some other project.  If I am working with people, I will tell them point-blank, “I am getting frustrated and/or upset right now for this reason and rather than say something I will regret, I am taking a walk.”

More than once I have said to my wife, “Honey, I am in a crappy mood right now; it has nothing to do with you but I am a grumpasaurus right now and don’t want to be a jerk to you, so I am just going to be quiet; could you please give me space until I feel better?”

In every single instance that I have ever used any of those techniques, they have always worked.  The other parties always understand.  If it is just me putting myself into time out, I always feel better at the end.  It never fails to at least get rid of the tension and allow me to deal with what is going on with a level head and not to act like a bully.

I don’t know about you, but I hate apologizing for screwing up and acting like an idiot.  Prevent yourself from ever being the bully.  Know when the times may be that you feel like acting out and know the warning signs of when those feelings are coming on.  Once you have them identified and you know how to handle yourself, you will never have to be in the situation where you are apologizing for acting like a bully.

That is why when I witnessed this hard-hitting, unpopular, this-is-how-it-works-in-the-real-world truth about  uttered by a politician who was talking about bullying, I had to share it with you.

I apologize that I did not write down who this politician was – I think it was the former National Security Advisor, retired Marine General James Jones, and he was speaking of either North Korea or Iran; I Googled it and didn’t see any hits, which is NOT surprising, given the inflammatory and anti-conventional wisdom of the remark.

In the remarks  I saw, this is what he said; “I am tired of turning the other cheek when it comes to _____.  With bullies, when you turn the other cheek, you get hit with the other fist.”

Well, well, well…someone else in the world actually DOES get it when it comes to bullying.

One of the things that is considered controversial in the book, “Bullies Suck” is that I teach “turning the other cheek” is the exact WRONG thing to do when it comes to bullying.

There is much more that is taught in the course,  but just that one piece of information can radically change how you look at yourself and how you deal with the bullies in your life.

Many people mistakenly quote the Bible  where Jesus says to “turn the other cheek” to mean that the Big Guy actually wants you to allow someone to physically assault or harm you and to let them do it, showing you are the stronger person.

Ah…no.

It may be more accurate to view that quote and “turning the other cheek” to mean referencing being insulted or slighted versus physically attacked.  It does take character, dignity and patience to be verbally attacked or insulted, be the bigger person and turn the other cheek.  In instances of verbal confrontation, you do want to stay calm, cool and collected, keeping your emotions in check and using your smarts to handle the situation effectively.

If we all fired off physically on anyone who ever hurt our feelings, insulted us or verbally attacked us, there wouldn’t be much time left for doing anything else.  Can you imagine what your workplace would look like if the standard reaction to being attacked, insulted or having your feelings hurt was to slap the offender upside the head?  The people in human resources would all have their hair turn gray and fall out.

In order to understand what this politician meant and why I say turning the other cheek is the wrong move when it comes to bullying, you must understand that when it comes to bullies and bullying, the normal rules of decency and conduct that you and I may operate by are NOT the same rules that bullies follow.

Case in point:  I have written more than once about how to deal with Iran and North Korea.  I have openly criticized how past and current administrations have handled them and, as shown by both regimes, they are still pursuing policies and acting in such a way that shows they have no fear whatsoever of the international community, sanctions or empty threats.

Why?  Because we have operated under acceptable, international social guidelines.  We have been behaving and responding in an acceptable social manner as accepted by society and the world at large.  We have been “Strongly condemning” and finger-wagging, basically saying, “Naughty-naughty; shame on you.  You are in time-out.”

Iran and North Korea could care less about “time-out”.  It doesn’t compute to them.  Why?

Iran and North Korea do NOT act nor are they coming from the same emotional place.  They are operating asocially; they are operating under a different set of rules.

It would be like you and your best friend playing football – except he doesn’t recognize and refuses to play by the rules.  You step out of bound, you stop running; he steps out of bounds and continues running to the end zone.  You say the play is over, he says touchdown.

How long do you think that game would go on before one or both of you stormed off the field, vowing never to play with each other again?

This is the same thing that happens when you are trying to “turn the other cheek” with a bully.  The bully doesn’t care that he is being mean.  He doesn’t care that you have turned the other cheek.  To him, you turning the other cheek means he has a new target to go after, or it means that you are a spineless wimp that he can continue to torture and have fun.

In order to deal effectively with a bully, you must understand where he is coming from and what set of rules he is playing by.  Only then will you be able to respond appropriately and effectively to bullying in a language and manner that the bully understands – and where your message can get through.

Things have been crazy here around Bully Proof Central – the re-release of the book, “Bully Proof Kids” , now re-named to “Bullies Suck”; the building of the Bully Proof Brigade Members Area, the lining up of experts for interviews, along with continuing to train in the martial arts, as well as dig up the latest, greatest information on bullying and making it available to you.

All of this done so that together, we can teach ourselves and our kids how to stand up for themselves.  How to count on themselves and NOT someone or something else to “come to the rescue” when they are being bullied or harassed.  By being self-reliant and strong, anyone can stand up to the bullies in their lives, whatever form that they may take.

All the best to you and yours in 2011 – and be on the lookout for some resources and tools from me in the v-e-r-y near future.

To your bully proof best,

Sensei Huff

I know I am going to step on toes with this one, so please hear me out.

Don’t get me wrong; I believe that ANY steps taken in a positive direction that addresses bullying is a Good Thing, but this legislation – no matter how well-intentioned – will be just another toothless tiger, like a United Nations resolution.

Why? Several reasons…

The first is that teaching our children about how to prevent bullying and what to do once you are the target of bullying is a parent’s job,  not the school system or some government entity.

When we as parents teach our children things like self-reliance, self-esteem, self discipline, how to handle conflict and more, we are teaching them how to be better citizens.  We are teaching them to handle and overcome obstacles.  We are teaching them that there are always going to be challenges in life, conflict – even people that do NOT wish them well – and how to have the mental, physical and emotional toughness to deal with those situations or people.

If you create something or someone – like legislation or a governing body – and you hand over responsibility to for addressing bullying, you are giving your power away for yourself and your child, turning you both into victims.  You are teaching yourself and your child that when there is problem, it is someone else’s responsibility and not yours.

The second reason is one of the things I talk about in my book, “Bullies Suck” (formerly titled “Bully Proof Kids”) where I point out that the school systems are NOT designed, funded or staffed properly to stop bullying.

The school systems are designed to do one thing and one thing only – get your child educated and passing the tests that get the schools their funding.

Getting their funding is all that matters to the schools because without that funding, there is no teaching of children in the first place.  It is NOT their fault; it is the way the system works.

The third reason is that if you look at the economic condition of our cities, counties, states and Federal government – they have much bigger fish to fry than bullying.

Look at the state of New Jersey; while again, it is commendable what they are doing with the new legislation, Governor Chris Christie is up to his eyeballs fighting back against bullies of his own. The media, the unions and a shortfall in the billions of dollars for the state budget are taking up the bulk of his time as he tries to save the state’s economic future.

Which is why this legislation – while admirable – is more like a U.N. resolution.  New Jersey is slashing funds from everywhere they can trying to stay solvent.  Do you really think they are going to pass the strongest bullying legislation ever and throw millions of dollars into the program to make sure it gets implemented?

Sadly, I doubt it will happen, as well-intentioned as they may be.  Reality says there are other problems that are larger than bullying that are going to get priority.

Which, brings me to the last reason why this is the WRONG message and what I teach all the time…

New Jersey already had some of the toughest laws on bullying in the nation – and it wasn’t working – because all that we have been taught for generations about how to deal with bullying does NOT work.

This is the real problem.  You can have all the laws, regulations, governing bodies and whatever else you want, all teaching about bullying; if they are all saying the same old, outdated, doesn’t-work-in-the-real-world information, it won’t work.

It doesn’t work in today’s hardwired, 24/7 culture.  It didn’t work when I was in school.  While the advice is well-meaning, and even I want to believe that if you just “turn the other cheek” that the bullying will stop, the sad reality is this:  if all the information there is today about bullying – that has been around and taught forever – actually worked, there would NOT be all these problems with bullying.

The old model of how to deal with bullying is outdated and ineffective – and why I created “Bullies Suck” and the Bully Proof  Brigade.

This is why I wrote the book, “Bullies Suck” and why I created the Bully Proof Brigade.  I searched and searched for someone – anyone – teaching  what really works when it comes to bullying and NOT what everyone WANTS to work when it comes to bullying.  I was stunned to learn that with all the resources that were available, no one was telling the truth.

As a victim of bullying as a child, having worked for several bully bosses and working personally with thousands of men, women and children who struggled with bullying and the emotional scars that are left behind, I made it my mission in life to tell the truth about what really works when it comes to bullying and provide the latest, cutting-edge information I could to all of those who choose to join me.

This is the information – the interviews with experts, the programs, the articles, the stories – about what really works when it comes to bullying.  Parents can get the no-holds-barred truth on what works and what doesn’t'; how to talk to your child about bullying, how to prevent your child from becoming a target and what to do if they are a target.

Adults can learn how to deal with the bully in their lives, be it a spouse, significant other, boss, job or more.

Obesity, health, fitness, body language, personal empowerment – nothing is off limits and everything is “battle tested” by myself or the experts I have networked with to bring you the latest and greatest.

The answer to dealing with bullying is NOT in government intervention, regulation, legislation or someone coming to bail you out – although that mode of operation seems to be infecting everything right now.

No – the answer is YOU.

It is about you and I as parents or individuals getting educated and taking action with the best information we can, taking our power back from whatever or whomever we gave it to, and discovering for ourselves that we are the answer; we can stop bullying now.

You can start to learn how to do this with the book, “Bullies Suck”.  I’ll keep you posted on the Bully Proof Brigade.

For now, take back your power and find the courage to stand up to the bullies and bullying in your life.

Sensei Huff

There – on the front cover of one of the nation’s leading “What Are the Useless Celebrities Up to Today” magazines – was a cover story about the recent run of suicides due to bullying.

If it is on the cover of a nationwide magazine – even a gossip magazine – then you know it is something that is in the mainstream consciousness, as these types of magazines only run stories that will touch their readership.

The latest incident that has gained national prominence on most of the major news networks is the sad and enraging story of the Rutgers freshman who killed himself, Tyler Clementi.

This is sad for obvious reasons – I won’t insult your intelligence by going into it; what is enraging is HOW this came about.

Tyler was outed as homosexual.  Not by his own admission, under his own terms, first to those closest to him and then expanding from there.  No – his roommate, using a webcam connected to a computer that was in the same room as Tyler – remotely turned on the webcam and recorded Tyler with someone.

After that, he just used the Internet to spread the video and later, if the facts are correct, streamed the video live.

Devastating is the only word to describe how Tyler must have felt.

Look, teenagers typically do not have the healthiest self-image and self-esteem as it is, let alone a brand-new freshman at a prestigious university, away from home for the first time.

Added to that the insecurity and confusion he must have felt regarding his feelings towards the same gender; if you know anyone who lives an “alternative lifestyle” then you know – regardless of what you think about their lifestyle – their self-image, self-esteem and self-confidence are typically sensitive areas.

If Tyler was okay with his orientation and feelings about himself, he would have told his parents, friends and would have been “out” already; he obviously had chosen to keep it private, for his own reasons.

Well – he didn’t get the choice.  It was taken from him and, without the mental and emotional tools to deal with the situation, he turned to the only option he felt was available to him.

In this choice, Tyler – as sad, tragic and any other adjective you can think of – teaches us all a very powerful lesson when it comes to bullying.

And that lesson is the one you have heard me preaching, speaking, writing and standing from the rooftops month in and month out…

As adults – for ourselves – and as parents, the #1, Numero Uno Thing we simply must teach is that no one person or event on the face of this planet gets to take our power away from us.

No one event defines you.  No one failure.  No one failed marriage.  No one giant mistake when you were a kid.  No failed business, bad decision, girl-that-you-let-get-away, nothing.

I have told my story of molestation that happened to me as a child.  I have shared how, unwittingly at the time, that person had “taken my power” from me and I was going through life, not performing or acting in a way that was consistent with how I was raised, who I was and what I believed in.

I drank too much, partied too hard, was irresponsible in many ways… I made many mistakes; it it wasn’t until I realized what happened and DECIDED to take back my power – to decide who I was, what I stood for and that NO ONE gets to decide how I feel about myself except me – that my life began to change.

This is the kind of gift you can give yourself and your child that is priceless.  It is the most powerful thing I can think of for the human spirit.

Imagine if Tyler had this gift; imagine if Tyler was able to have this same event happen to him and be able to look himself in the mirror and say, “Okay, this bites, but maybe it’s a good thing; now I don’t have to hide anymore.”

Or maybe he looks at it as a test, to see how strong an individual he is; maybe he looks at it as a lesson in who you can and can’t trust.  Maybe he figures out a way to turn it into something that can help others who may be in the same situation…anything but how he felt and how he ultimately decided to handle the situation.

People like Tyler need the tools and information so they can learn how to protect themselves.  Yes, there are well-meaning organizations out there that have websites and resources but sadly, most of what they are teaching and how they go about helping does not work.

What you and I were taught about bullying growing up and now, in the wired 21^st century, doesn’t work.

If it did, bullying wouldn’t be as big as it is right now.

That is why I am on a mission and why I created http://www.bullyproofkids.com.  It will soon be the #1 No B.S. Resource of Anti-Bullying Information That Really Works.

The new version is live; I will be adding many more tools, products, reports, interviews and more in the next few weeks and you will be among the first to have the opportunity to jump aboard an exclusive program I have coming in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, let’s remind ourselves to “Take Back Our Power” from the bullies, energy suckers and negative B.S. in our lives and to teach our children to do the same.

That way, we can reach out and help prevent more incidents like Tyler Clementi and Phoebe Prince and help erase bullying from all of our lives.

Take Back Your Power & Live a Bully Proof Life,

Sensei Huff

P.S. – The new and improved site is live – check it out at http://www.bullyproofkids.com.

P.P.S. – Please comment on this post and others; I love hearing your feedback.